So maybe you don’t think God’s vocabulary includes the word FREAK. Well, I happen to think differently. And that maybe, just possibly is because I myself am a freak. You roll your eyes. Now don’t worry. I’ll provide evidence if necessary. But wait. It gets worse. I’m not only a freak that controls things. I’m a freak God talks to…
Now don’t get me wrong, its not like I’m MOSES for crying out loud. I don’t hear an audible voice eminating from a GOD cloud, I’m way to un-holy for that kind of God visitation. Rather the spirit leaks inside of me all-day long in what appears to be the internal conversation between SPIRIT and my soul. YES. There are other freak like voices that try to get into my spiritual conversation with GOD. How I handle this is to filter the spiritual marching orders I take seriously by filtering them through that book called the WORD.
So now, back to control and freaks, like me.
My initial freak diagnosis was a controlling one. It began early, evidenced by the fact when I was a mere eight years old I played school with my two younger sisters and that wasn’t freaky at all but what was absolutely controlling was that I made them agree to let me be Superintendent, Principal and Teacher while the only role I would let them play was that of failing student.
I’m not quite sure what life event reinforced my weird-ass, yes weird- ass, controlling belief that the world was safer if I was in control instead of God.
Nor how I came to believe I was some type of entitled bossy one with savior like capabilities. But the evidence, now that I can objectively review it ,is quite conclusive. I was a control freak from the minute I arrived on this planet and that in itself is adequate justification of hearing the spirit whisper, “YOU FREAK!”
If you must have more evidence of my controlling from birth nature I will give you another example. Once, when I was babysitting my darling sisters it began snowing. Once God did his thing I decided to handle it from there. . I decided I alone was the snow protector. And to make sure the perfect, white, blanket of purity that covered our yard was not destroyed I refused to let my screaming sisters outside to step in it…
Freak. Controlling freak- thankfully, I’m now several years or has it been a full decade into full control freak recovery.
I had to get very, very tired and downright out of energy before I admitted my powerlessness over the temptation to control. Control rehab is where I learned that my freaking problem was trying to control everyone else’s responsibilities.
One of the things about control freaks, is that we suffer from an over- exaggerated belief and trust in ourselves and another, is that our faith and trust in God is underdeveloped and weak because of a lack of practice.
Freak is a word God uses.
I know, because he whispers it in my soul every time I forget my place and try to take care of HIS business…
Photo By The Amazing Jordan Oram