Sipping his hot chocolate he stared out the window. “Are you picking me up after school?”
“Can we get some beanie babies- after?”
Turning toward the backseat he gave his sister a thumbs up, sign. Mission accomplished.
Pulling the SUV into the school parking lot I slowed and reached across his first grade body to unbuckle his seat belt. “Don’t forget your lunch box”
“Aren’t you going to park?”
“Oh, no not this again. ” His sister whined. “I don’t want mom walking us to class. You are such a baby. Just let me out and then you can go with her.”
Parking the car I waited so as not to embarrass my daughter anymore than the divorce already had.
Once she was safely disconnected from us I sight I grabbed my son’s chubby little hand and pulled him toward his classroom.
“I hate these pants” He said stopping in his tracks. ” Look, they are stupid! I need a belt, I can’t go to class …with broken….”
Glancing sideways I watched as his dirt brown eyes grew watery.
Crash, his lunch box fell to the concrete.
“I’m not going to school with broken pants.”
Turning he buried his face in between the space right above my knees and began crying.
“Come on silly, it will be fine. What about duck tape”
“No, duck tape won’t work.. “
Parents of children whose hearts weren’t broken, pretended we weren’t having a really, really bad day.
“A belt, are you sure that’s what you need?” I asked as I pulled him up to my chest.
Laying his face on my shoulder his muffled voice whispered. “A belt will fix it.”
Hot, tiny, tears slipped not the back of my neck and down the middle of my back.
His pants. Our family.
Divorce. Nothing fit anymore. Everything was painful. Even the smallest of things like getting dropped off at school, eating, swallowing and breathing.
How could I fix his heart mend and what about hers?
If a belt could fix this- I’d buy a million of them, oh yes I would. Too bad hearts aren’t held together with mere belts and duck tape on really, really bad days.
Ever Had A Really, Really, Bad Day? Divorce Inspiration
My divorce was the heart break of my kids lives and of mine. Its the one thing that I go to God with over and over asking forgiveness for. I couldn’t fix it. didn’t have the tools to find the way back to trust with someone who I believed had betrayed me. Broken. Asunder. Not whole. Oh how thankful I am for a God that heals broken things like me. Lord knows I need more than a belt to keep this broken heart and life together. Forgiveness isn’t something I need to continue to ask for. Its been given. And this guilt that sometimes visits. I need to let go of that too. For he says my shortcomings are as far as the east is from the west. I am a new creation in grace. Unmerited favor. So this broken shattered shard of glass continues to shine even reflect and the reason- the reason is the source not anything myself. Heart break. Tragedy. Loss. Mistakes. Broken. Asunder. I really wish I’d not been partner to so much heartbreak in my life but as it is – I have been and for this I’m thankful if for nothing more than the opportunity to learn how to accept forgiveness and learn how to keep shining even when I”m nothing more than a few shards of broken glass lying on the concrete next to my first graders lunch box…