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Why Do People Think Jesus Would Doorknock? Satire Inspiration

Why Do People Think Jesus Would Doorknock? Satire Inspiration
“Forget the DOOR knocking and just go LOVE on someone - and who knows then...maybe the world will see that faith is really something not merely recruiting and pew counting.”

The knock, knock sounded precisely as I was explaining which dots  were green, which one’s were red and if which,  any of the lights on the modem were flashing.

The internet was down and to a digital zombie like me that’s nearly as bad as Starbucks closing for a week or perhaps even as terrible as it would be if Pinot Noir was outlawed for brunette’s.  And so with my i-phone snuggled all cozy like between my ear and shoulder, I answered the door.

“Hello  Ms. Do you have a few moments?”

Clearly my phone and the shoulder gymnastics wasn’t enough to confirm that no, in fact I did not have a few moments. Before I could reply dread spread from the bottom of my toes to the tip of my pony tail.

“Sam could you hold on, for a second?” I said into the phone as the ladies stared at my yoga, short shorts and pile of hair reminiscent of my favorite I LOVE GENIE look.

“Yes, we’d like to talk to you about your faith, and  our church…”

Smiling I nodded but only barely because I did not want to encourage these two lovelies.

“Thank you but I have a church and I’m fine right now…”

“Yes, but do you know JESUS?” The younger of the two challenged.

So right there on the front porch with Sam the technician listening and both women waiting,  I confessed, “Yes, I…I know Jesus...I like him, I mean it’s worse than that …..I have a bad crush on GOD and I’m lost without the entire trinity….”

The woman on the left allowed  her right eyebrow to punctuate her doubt  before pushing the Watchtower brochure in my direction.  “Here, take this ….

“I’m so sorry.” I whispered to Sam.  “I promise this will just take  another second.” I said before turning back to door knocker 1 and 2.

“Ladies, thank you- but I don’t want your article- I’ve got a bible. And really, I’m not really into this door knocking to get people to come to church thing…now if you don’t mind, I’ve got to get back to what I was doing before you asked me if I know JESUS…

And with that I closed the door. And then Sam and I continued even though now he knew my secret. Even if I do like short shorts and to be a tad bit sarcastic and pile my hair on the top of  my head like a girl I’ve got it BAD for GOD and JESUS.

By the end of the phone call Sam offered to drive in on his day off to see what was wrong with my persnickety internet that would not for the life of the both of us work properly. So thirty three minutes later Sam drove up in a blue mini-van and asked to see the phone jack that was giving me trouble. About an hour later he’d discovered the alarm and the internet were not getting along and re-wired their respective territories so we could force a truce in the house.

I was happy. Starbucks hadn’t been closed, the pinot was still safe and I had internet again to feed my zombie need to connect even when I’m mostly alone.

I shook Sam’s hand and walked him back to his car. I even tried to get him to take some money from me, I mean he’d driven out of his way on his day off to fix a problem that wasn’t his at all. And then it hit me. This is why I don’t like door knocking religious converts who act like all GOD and JESUS are about is recruiting bodies to pews.

You see. I believe when LOVE comes to live within you. WHEN you accept and surrender to this GOD of ours you become the church. You are the hands and feet of divine supernatural possibilities. And SAM not the two lovelies were most like GOD if you ask me. Serving, doing…that’s love not recruiting and challenging people about what church they go to and why.

CALL me crazy. But this idea that JESUS would invite me to a new church rather than come to my house and ask me to help him help the homeless or come inside and ask me how he could help- is weird and totally inconsistent. JESUS didn’t go about rounding people up to go to church. HE knew that wherever 2 or more were gathered LOVE was there.

I’m pretty sure GOD isn’t into getting more pew setters and there’s not going to be any points given for how much recruiting or blow horning any of us do. And I’m also sure that people like SAM are more like the heart of GOD than any of these door knockers in my neighborhood…

Why Do People Think Jesus Would Door Knock. Love Does. Inspiration

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Posted by on April 6, 2013 in Dysfunction Junction

Every day I get up expecting a miracle or ten thousand. Mostly I expect God to take the questions of life and turn them into soulful inspiration to encourage you and I on this journey. That's why I'm here. I believe in the miracles that faith, love and hope make possible.

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