“What friends?” He asked.
I stared at the plate of pancakes in front of him as the aroma of burnt heart and scalded faith filled my senses. “Sometimes friendship is anything but friendly.”
“It’s not anyone’s fault but my own I’ve got to change my thinking. I should know better by now. Why is it I expect anyone to be concerned with anything other than themselves.?”
“But people who claim LOVE has captured them….who follow GOD…shouldn’t they at least be decent friends?
Smirking he shook his head. “That’s just it, this world is full of demons and angels. Hell, I’m part angel, part demon. It makes sense we live in a sort of hell with a bit of heaven on the side.”
Damn. I wish I had some evidence to the contrary but no one could deny the spiritual damage the ‘most religious’ had done to the soul sitting across from me.
“It’s just easier if you tell yourself the truth, and that’s what I’ intend to do from here on out. Everyone is about themselves. Regardless how hard they pitch GOD, religion or any vision or mission. When it comes down to it, if it doesn’t serve them -they are not about it. Period.”
Burnt heart is a fragile thing.
Deflated hopes even more so.
And abused and betrayed faith is the most tragic thing of all.
“I’ll be here. I’ll show up part demon and angel for as long as it takes for you to know that in this hell that is not fully heaven on earth yet there are still a few of us trying to follow this GOD of love…and show up caring about more than our own selfish stories and ways…But I know I’ll fail too. So be gentle with me. Because I do care. I just don’t always show it the way my Creator intends for me to ….”
What If No One Cares? Inspiration Dysfunction
Wounded soldiers. We are. Oh Dear God. We’ve been burned time and time again. We’ve showed up expecting to be treated as we treat others only to be reminded that all is not fair in friendship and faith. We hunger for friendship and receive less. Sometimes those purporting to work for or with you burn our hearts and leave us doubting you more than before. Heal us today. Help those of us who are in fact part hell and part demon but really want to be more like you and love and heaven show up to care, really care about more than our own selfish stories and lives…Help us be the hands and feet that care on this earth…Oh, dear God…help me be more angel than demon…please..