Fuming I let my feelings out . I’d done so much to help and still he wanted more. Cranky, I shut down. How dare he expect me to be his valet? Rewinding through the long list of things I’d done for this ungrateful friend I justified my detachment and distanced myself from his trouble. He was draining me- expecting more and more of this friendship without ever shouting a word of thanks, showing a drop of appreciation or making me feel anything other than USED.
And then it came. Like a lightening bolt only inside of me so more hiccup or belch like.
LOVE had got wind of my nasty behavior and was stirring up consciousness as to my limited vision. Oh don’t for one minute think I have religion. I don’t. I have LOVE or so I tell myself on days when I’m a little more compassionate and a lot more generous with my time. Love for GOD. Jesus and all things they love- like people mostly. Well, usually…
Yesterday I was tired. Tired of loving. So instead of giving I wanted to be given to. Instead of shouting, showing and making sure someone else felt important and valuable I played score keeper and decided to withdraw my friendship investments.
The thuds got louder. Inside of me it were as if an entire battalion of demons were attacking my love meter. In the solitude of my humble residence holiness showed up and awareness pulled up a chair and sat with me until it was clear it wasn’t my friend that was the issue it was me, myself and I.
SHOUT IT. SHOW IT. Make sure others FEEL LOVED.
When it’s hard to keep giving it’s usually because I want others to have earned my self sacrifice. I know how silly, me expecting mere mortals to deserve my unconditional investments and loving sacrifices.
Sometimes I get this loving thing confused with work or goals or something much less holy and spiritual. I want love juice from others, appreciation, words of encouragement or something and that is why I give and love…Well, sorry that’s just bad religion and mere selfish manipulative behavior not love….
So after I argued with GOD for awhile and made sure he knew that I was tired of shouting and showing and making everyone feel good and being taken for granted he reminded me I love because he first loved not because mere mortals deserve it…
Shout it. Show it. Make Sure I feel it.
This is my mantra today.
I’ll be the valet- if that’s what love asks of me today. I’m over my tantrum and I’m clear. I’m here to dispense all the love flowing through this soul not to let darkness and selfishness snuff out the light within. I’m not into religion. I don’t want to earn my way to heaven and I’m really trying to disconnect my behavior from trying to get love juice from others.
Don’t hold back. Let the people in your life know. Shout it. Show It. Make Sure THEY FEEL LOVED. Now if you don’t mind I’m off to drive my silly friend to the airport.
Shout It. Show It. Make Sure I Feel It.