Somedays my thoughts are similar to a million rubber bands all twisted around one another and shaken real good and placed in a box that is way too small for them. Twisted thoughts. Today I’m struggling to make sense of a few thoughts that have formed messy knots inside of me and oppose everything I know about love and GOD. I wish I were more straight and all holy like on the inside but mostly I’m knotty and kinked up from the inside out. Call it life. A hodgepodge of philosophies all of which I’ve taken a few ideas from have created a few twisted thoughts that tie me up and oppose the freedom I was create for. I’d like to be the spiritual girl with no twisted thoughts. I’d like all my thoughts to be aligned with what I know about love, faith and forgiveness even kindness. But guess what some of my thoughts are downright mean, self centered and even cruel. There I said it. I’m not all straight and faithful on the inside.
Earlier today I struggled to pray for someone whose been mean and nasty to me. I know… I know God’s thought about love is you do it to everyone even your enemies. But my twisted thoughts keep telling me to only love or even be nice to people who have been nice or loved me. How twisted is that?
And there’s more. I sometimes think I’m better off working my butt off than praying. I know. How twisted. I actually elevate myself as savior or god and don’t depend on anything other than that which I can control or see.
Oh there’s more. I get discouraged by all the darkness and other people’s actions and so my twisted thoughts in these moments are hopeless and discouraging and entirely count out the miraculous or divine’s ability to change a heart or soul in an instant.
Twisted. I am.
The thoughts within me are a hodgepodge of things I’ve picked up along the way and today I’m pretty clear many of the more twisted thoughts within me are entirely opposed to faith, courage, hope and love. And so today. I’m bringing all my twisted thoughts out and I’m laying them down at the feet of grace and love and asking no begging for a little help to untwist me…
Twisted Thoughts. I have them and well, somedays they make me a knotty spiritual mess….
Photo By Vincent Dale