Before. Now. Later. For some reason I was born thinking about later, tomorrow, up ahead, around the corner, eventually and someday- even. And to this day I wrestle with right now, presently and here and FOR NOW.
Physically I want to be better, up there, ahead, progressing, doing better and more and arriving at the next goal. Emotionally I want to be wherever it is around the bend in the place I”m loved, appreciated and intellectually I want to learn more, grow, advance and understand even more- someday. As an athlete I want to be at the finish line, better than I am today. I’m always planning for tomorrow…
Today a friend looked across the table as I confessed my goals for the next two weeks. And when I was done, in a voice that sounded what I imagine God’s to sound like she whispered. “For now.”
And then with a smile that was more teenager than middle age-ish she added. “These are my two favorite words in the english language. For Now.”
“For now?” I asked
“Yes” She nodded. “For now. Just be who you are. For now. Do what you can. For now. Love who shows up. For now. Believe as much as you can. For now. Don’t worry about the past, before nor or even the future. Just be here, and accept for now- for now, is good enough.”
I’m sure I looked moonstruck or reality struck was more like it.
I confessed to my friend for now, has not always been enough for me. I want more…than what is. And then she asked in her very loving but don’t even think about lying way, who it was inside of me that wanted more than I was capable of, for now?
Together we decided the part of me that is never satisfied and always strives to make things bigger than they need to be and expects miracles and perfection and way more than for now can possibly provide is a woman called Mrs. Crankster inside of me. A part of me that is left over from the disciplinarian I grew up with and the part of me that is just never satisfied with myself.
I struggle with for now. It never seems quite enough or adequate and we talked about why. And when we landed on the idea that deep inside of me is a critical parent who has taken up the role of disciplinarian. And then we decided it was time to name this part of me that just never seems satisfied with here and now and is always rushing me to do more and be better in the future.
So I did. I named this chick, the part of my personality that never thinks what I’ve done presently is enough or good enough and always presses to do more and make things bigger than they need to be someday in the future I named her Mrs. Crankster.
And then the three of us did a group hug. Well, I’m sure there’s more girlfriends within me but thankfully my friend didn’t ask to meet all the rest of my weird parts and instead encouraged me to hug and kiss the part of me that was never satisfied in the here and now. And so I did.
It’s perfect, even- the here and now.
It’s right where I’m meant to be. And perhaps you’re meant to be here too..For now….
For Now. Patience
Photo By Corina Wilson
Ephesians 4:1-3 I therefore, a prisoner for the Lord, urge you to walk in a manner worthy of the calling to which you have been called, with all humility and gentleness, with patience, bearing with one another in love, eager to maintain the unity of the Spirit in the bond of peace.