What If I Don’t Want Your Help?
“I didn’t come here to get your help.” She said looking down at the table. “I don’t know why you are here, I’m here to get to know you-better”
Biting my lower lip I held my breath.
Hadn’t I just heard the same message from a different messenger a couple days prior?
After the meeting was over and my new friend drove off, I drove home sensing the DIVINE was singing but I felt deaf. A door was ajar but so far I hadn’t cared to push into see what was behind this tendency of mine to be always helping, giving and rarely receiving.
Just to confirm it wasn’t indigestion or heartburn I called my son to see if the messages I was getting synced up with his experience of me.
After assuring me he loved me and going on and on how I was his favorite mother. (It’s true I am his only mother.) He confirmed what was growing on me. I’m overly helpful especially when helping people who are friends and family and not paying for me to accelerate, ideate, launch or improve anything.
The spirit was moving, after the phone call I fell backwards onto the bed. Love was oozing. The door cracked open and for the first time a woman who’d lost her self in tough times, a woman who’d grown accustomed to making others the focus of her attention, resources, time and energy. A woman who helped others so she could stay in control and perhaps even at a helpful distance – woke up to love’s message.
Love – gives and receives. It’s not a one way street.
Love was shaking HIS head.
Love was refusing to go along with my helpful shanigans dressed up as love in action but in reality was nothing more than fear working hard to ear approval and control interactions so no one got close enough to hurt or reject me.
Of course you don’t need my help. None of us need unrequested help, assistance or 24/7 consulting from people who are friends and family not contractors and service providers…
Of course you don’t need my help…But maybe next time we meet…I’ll ask for yours. Who knows.
Love. Love is on the move.